move along

     I can't begin to describe how helpless I feel to have failed my accounting midterm. For some reason the value that I obtained hit me more than the fact that I failed... 44 (class average was 52, which doesn't make me feel ALL that much better). Another day of BIG SIGH... I can't decide whether I should drop it. Professor said our marks will be divided by .8 as bell curve and that if we do better in final, it'd erase our midterm mark. If I do drop it, don't know how to tell my parents... DOOM! Yeah, I have typical asian parents. Really don't think I'll be getting into co-op now SIGH. Why do I sigh so much? Oo I'm also rather surprised I'm not crying over this (ok maybe 5 tear drops). I had a full out break down last year because I got 60 something on a calc test that was worth like less than 10%? and this is 35%... Hmm... I think I've developed a haunting shadow of writing accounting tests since last final (completely blanked out, walked out with trembling tears with more than half the exam blank). I don't know what I'm suppose to make of this... I don't even know what I make of this... but I guess I'll find out soon enough or maybe I won't, still gotta trudge along. Just have faith! HAVE FAITH! HAVE FAITH! You think I'm pathetic don't you... ah wells. So if anyone thinks I'm being unresponsive and ignoring you, I'm not... just occupied.
     So I've read Chapter 1 and 2 from Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. For all you guys reading, this book speaks about a woman's heart and what it means to be a woman. I'm going to make the quotes flow, connecting different pages. I'll indicate with [] if I add words to make it flow. None of these are my own words.
Here's what caught my attention the most :

• 'Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.' - Anais Nin
• It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone. We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought - that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue ue, to get past our mesiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain - uncertain what it even means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.
• Because God knows that our heart is core to who we are. It is the source of all our creativity, our courage, and our convictions. It is the fountainhead of our faith, our hope, and of course, our love.
• Made in the image of a perfect relationship, we are relational to the core of our beings and filled with a desire for transcendent purpose. We long to be an irreplaceable part of a shared adventure.
• The woman God had in mind when he made Eve... and when he made you. Glorious, powerful, and captivating.
• [During creation,] notice that each creature is more intricate and noble and mysterious than the last. In one last flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve. She is the Master's finishing touch.
• The vast desire and capacity a woman has for intimate relationships tell us of God's vast desire and capacity for intimate relationships.
• God endows Woman with certain qualities that are essential to relationship, qualities that speak of God. She is inviting... vulnerable... tender... merc[iful]... fiernce and fiercely devoted... intimate and alluring.
• When God creates Eve, he calls her an ezer kenegdo. Ezer would be 'lifesaver' [and] Kenegdo means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart. God calls us to a life involving frequent risks and many dangers.
• Beauty is the essence of God. Nature is not primarily functional. It is primarily beautiful. The crowning touch of creation. Beauty is the essence of a woman. Beauty is powerful. It may be the most powerful thing on earth. It is dangerous. Because it matters. Beauty speaks... invites... nourishes... comforts... inspires... and is transcendent. Beauty speaks of heaven to come, when all shall be beautiful. Every woman has a beauty to unveil.