So I got three midterms next week, didn't officially start hardcore studying yet -.-' Right now, I'm watching this movie Fire Proof. Yes, this movie's about a marriage and it's Christian and it's 2 minutes short of 2 hours. I'm balling my eyes out right now from this story. To be honest, I've cried plenty since this afternoon. So why do I want to 'waste' more of my time or 'depress' myself even more? I don't because I'm not, at least not from my perspective. I needed this. There's so much more that can be taken from this than marriage. I love, not because you deserve it, not because you need it, not because you're loveable, not because I have a loving nature but because He first loved. I am so veryyy selfish and I realize I ain't at all selfless. I don't know the first thing about being selfless.
Here's the pure truth of my state right now without filtration. I've been so overloaded lately and I felt so lacking in every way possible and pushed so tight against the wall. I'm trying so very hard in all my roles/relationships, all my responsibilities/commitments/passion, by God's empowerment to be a source of comfort and encouragement to others. I carried with me so many fears and burdens and grudges and I couldn't bring myself to sharing them with anyone or even confrontation for that matter. Just been so off-track with my eating & sleeping habits, my studying and yet I stuck by my devo life. Although God deliberately withdrew His presence from my life for but a while; it was so HARD on me, harder than anyone else withdrawing their presence from my life. I still gained insight daily and have faith but it's different from being filled God's presence in me. Why do I seek human assurance when I have so much more available to me?
"Where there is love, there is hope. Where there is trust, there is peace. Where there is faith, there is growth."
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