I'm fairly happy that three more people are interested in serving as ushers for EM :] yay, more the merrier! Also, one of the leaders approached me about EM facebook group idea and uni/college/gr12 cell group idea ^-^ I am so easily content. Also, I drove someone to buy missing items to bake a cheesecake for their somewhat depressed friend in the afternoon. I'm glad I can help but I must say my body felt really heavy during that one hour; I felt like I could fall asleep standing (not such a good state to be driving, I suppose).
Here is one of the mixed feeling parts: I saw a friend crying in worship. None of my usher team members were here this week so I found friends to help out... so you can say I was stuck for what to do but knowing me, not really stuck at all. I waited for my stressed out friend in the washroom and had a long chat (by long, it was basically half an hour or so). Yeah, I missed the sermon but I don't think the pastor would accuse me for that. She's got so much on her mind and so very stressed out. I can't really do much other than offer a pair of attentive ears and a genuine heart. Even so, I didn't dare say "find me anytime." I feel pretty cruddy about that but I'm a lil' unstable emotionally too so I can't bring myself to making a promise that I know I can't keep. What's the point of making a promise if you know you can't keep it? It's better to keep quiet than to make empty promises. (haha yep I take my promises really seriously! and you should too :] The reason I feel real cruddy afterwards is because Lean on me - Group1Crew is stuck in my head the whole day. There's a few lines that I love and it's something that I genuinely feel deep down, someone I strive to become for everyone: when there's no one you can think to call/ and nobody seems to care at all/ if it makes you feel better/ you can always lean on me/ ...and when everyone fades away/ remember that I'm here to stay... I understand it's not very realistic. Prayers are being sent everywhere because I only know one person, one god in fact that can possibly do that for everyone... the one, true God. Always there, always here, always near. Always cares, always loves unconditionally.
I think I understand why God won't catch me sometimes when I fall, even though it hurts Him more to see me fall than for me to be the one falling. It teaches perseverance, builds character, magnifies hope, strengthens faith...
We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. - Romans 5:5
Perhaps the only ways to lessen His hurt when I fall is for me to get back up stronger or to help other people that have also fallen even when I'm still on the ground. I must say this is quite hard ><" even under normal circumstances it's had to look beyond our own lil' world to see the worlds of the people around you.... how much more so when you, yourself, are drowned in frustration?
Haha I just got asked why I started this blog. I never had the habit of blogging nor kept any diaries so yeah I'm kind of surprised myself. I started this blog to keep myself sane. There's a close friend that we are temporarily having a period of silence (no worries, it's mutually agreed upon). Probably 'cause we've chatted daily for the past few years so I felt like I was going a bit insane even if it hasn't really been that long since we stopped talking. Maybe another contribution to that feeling is 'cause there's one question that I was afraid to ask before this period started and so it's still dangling in my head. HA now I got you curious! "Do you think we'll be good friends after four months without communication? was my question... Haven't you ever felt like
you're a hindrance to someone even if they might not even notice it? (or maybe you're too full of yourself to feel something like that?) Ironically, I think I know her better now that we've stopped talking. The fruits of facebook stalking :O I never do that to anyone so don't be scared (okay maybe a few people but I am NOT a creeper).
Oh man I should really sleep so much work to do tomorrow! Focus! Focus! Hocus Pocus!
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