come what may

Sunday, June 4th
     Oh weird, weird dream... Last night, I dreamt that I was about to get promoted to CEO o_o and God said "Don't take it, it's time to take care of my sheep." I get shivers thinking I might reach that high up and I seriously doubt I will. Then this morning, I had communion at church... so I made a promise to do as the dream said. Now all of you are thinking: "quit dreaming, that's not going to happen" or "so far away, how do you know". Anyway, I posted that to keep myself accountable in the future, hard evidence :p
     I went to school yesterday do textbook readings for OB... 7 chapters in one sitting, 10 hours... hard core! I don't wanna ever do that again T-T procrastination sucks. I'm distracted right now, very distracted. For some reason, I just feel this strong desire to see some specific people. I miss the comfortable feeling from spending time with each of them BUT looking back, I praise God for the people He put in my life, the memories I have, the experiences I've been through, the person I am today.

Thursday, June 9th
     So my left eye/eye lid has been twitching for the past three days and it's still twitching today. It's not like constant twitching but random yet persistent. Everyone has been telling me it's because of lack of sleep/rest. I guess it's kind of true but nothing out of the ordinary so I'm starting to doubt that explanation. It dawned on me this morning what may be a more likely cause... I realized my twitching started after a specific dream I had. I consider some parts of the dream rather disturbing, seriously. I've heard how we dream about our inner most desires... things we subconsciously repress (apparently, it's one of Freud's theories). If that's true for this case, that's horrible no, horrifying. What kind of person am I then? I do think this is the reason why my eye's been twitching. I don't know what's worse... the distraction from my constantly twitching eye or the thought that I'm such a hideous being with physical consequences to my suppressed desire? I'm really disturbed still and my eye's still twitching. It even hurts a bit as I'm writing this.
Ducky, where are you? (haha probably sleeping as I write this)
     I told someone recently (I believe I also blogged about this), that God is interesting. A lot of times when I'm down or spiritually dry, He provides me with people who are down and tells me to comfort/encourage them but this time... I'm not so sure if even that is enough to get me back up again. It does however surprise me to know that God is using me even in times such as this. This week, several people have thanked me for the bible verse I shared with them, that it really helped them.
     I really need to get a punching bag soon... my dad's pissed and yelling all the time, my sis's crying all the time. Can't I just have some peace...